Archive | March, 2012

Tales From a Non-Athlete Learning to Work It Out

19 Mar

image from motivationintohabit on tumblr

So I mentioned earlier that I joined a gym. It’s been two weeks to the day since I started actually attending and exercising. So far I have seven hour-long classes under my belt, two personal training sessions, and three on-my-own running days. (Before you ask, no, I don’t go every day. More like every other day. My gym has an awesome class list on Monday and Saturday where power yoga comes right after step class, so I get a twofer benefit by planning to stay for two hours.) I’ve had days where I leave the gym feeling like I could climb a mountain. I’ve had days where I call A on my way home crying in frustration. I’ve had days where I feel like I could go for a third hour, and days where I feel like my legs are filled with cement. (Usually the latter happens on days where I had more than a little to drink the night before. Funny, that.) Despite setting a ridiculous physical goal for myself last year and meeting it, I am not what anyone would call athletic. This has been especially true since I started fighting S.A.D. For the last three years a desk job and lack of activity has helped me grow to have an alarming body fat percentage and sixty pounds of excess weight to lose. Even more than putting goals to get healthy on The List, I’m very motivated to change my habits before I turn thirty and physical fitness becomes even harder to achieve. Not that it’s not possible – if Biggest Loser has taught me anything it’s that anything is possible no matter how old you are – just that it may be harder. As a lifelong non-athlete, I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned in my vast experience as a two-week-old hard-core gym goer.

Belonging to the same gym your friends do makes all the difference.
Three of my girlfriends belonged to my gym before I did. The first week I joined, my friend Dianne (my unofficial life-coach) texted me four times to see if I wanted to meet her at the gym. Even if she isn’t going, she regularly asks me if I am. Talk about motivation. I get to catch up with my friend Hanna at step class (and try to copy her killer moves), and Mandy and I make plans whenever her crazy work schedule allows her to meet up. Even if we’re not doing a class, we’ll often text each other to say we’re going and try to meet up. It’s fun, it definitely helps me in my goal to have Friends Without Food dates, and we’ve hung out after workouts a few times to have dinner or grab a smoothie and discuss life, books, or whatever. I know I’d go even if I was just me, but having them there is a super boost of motivation.

I’m so much more likely to go when my gym feels like a spa.
I’ve done the dingy, poorly air-conditioned gyms. I’ve done the cramped circuit training specialty gyms. Walking into a gym that feels airy, open, and clean is amazing. It really has an atmosphere that feels more like a spa that you happen to work out it. It smells clean instead of sweaty, and employees walk around every ten minutes making sure everything is wiped off, refreshed, and sanitized. Speaking of employees, I’ve dealt with many in my two weeks, and they are so far from the bored co-ed more interested in flirting with their co-worker than answering your question it’s not even funny. Everyone acts like it’s a singular pleasure to see you when you walk in, help you if you have a question, or tell you about new classes. It’s lovely.

To get sold-out on exercise, everyone must find their thing that they love to do.
For me, this is running and classes. I’m always fighting to turn off my mind, and there’s nothing like going for a run to reduce life down to something as simple as putting one foot in front of the other. This isn’t to say all kinds of running works for me. I hate running on a treadmill. I’ll do it (I melt in the rain, you know) but nothing makes me feel more free than watching scenery pass as I run by. As much as I like being alone with my thoughts on a run, I’m so much more motivated if I meet people for a run. That’s because I’m super social, and being around people motivates me. Which is why classes really work for me. I’m so blessed to have friends at my gym, but even knowing there’s a whole room of strangers meeting up to work out really works for me. I’m more and more convinced that everyone has something they can get into exercise-wise, if they only cared to find it.

I have no core.
At all. My trainer has been working with me to build core muscles and overall lean muscle to help support my running. I can do a wussy plank for 30 seconds before collapsing. But that’s fifteen more seconds than I could do the first time. My core is sore for days after we meet, but I’m becoming aware of muscles I didn’t know I had before. I have to build my core and lean muscle mass, because it will make me a stronger runner, better at yoga (also on The List), and (one day) make bearing a child easier.

It’s all mental.
The more I learn about my body, the more I realize that I am limited only by my own belief in myself. Working out with a trainer has really underlined the truth of that for me. My trainer tells me I can do something I haven’t done before, and I psych myself out before I get there. It reminds me of the first time I ran a whole mile. I was running with a TNT mentor, and I wanted to drop down to a walk after a few minutes. He kept urging me on, saying to try to keep it up for just a little longer. Until I hit a mile. Without realizing it. I kind of shut down a bit and decided to turn back, since that was the farthest I’d moved in a long time, much less ran. On my way back, I decided to keep running and see what I could do. I kept wanting to stop, and after almost giving in a few times I did a physical check on how my body was doing. Was I breathing hard? Yes, but it was a normal amount and manageable. Was my heart feeling stressed? No. Were my legs tired? Nope. Feet? Nuh-uh. Which left only one thing; I’d never run that far before, so my brain was reacting by sending signals along the lines of, “danger, danger, this in uncharted territory. You’ve never done this before, you’d better stop before something scary happens.” Only nothing scary was coming. After that, I’ve done my darndest to not self-sabotage just because I haven’t done something before. Which brings me to my next point…

I’ll try (almost) anything once.
Kick boxing, Yoga, Zumba, Boot Camp, Core Focus, Pilates, you name it, I want to take it. But, as I said earlier it’s important to know yourself. I have no interest in water aerobics or anything involving spinning. You have to be a very special kind of crazy person to enjoy strength training while perched on a hard, skinny bicycle seat.

If losing weight were easy, everyone would do it.
It’s hard, I’m not going to lie. Working out, especially with a trainer has made me face some uncomfortable realities about myself. I’ve never learned to work out, and I’ve not been a good steward of the body I’ve been blessed with. It’s like going to therapy. It’s not pleasant, it doesn’t feel great in the moment, but I go through it because, ultimately, being healthy worth it.

Saturday Soundtrack – Brought to You by The Child

17 Mar

Today’s Saturday Soundtrack is a quickie, because I’m heading out to try to make it through two hours of classes at the gym. Cross your fingers for me that I don’t die.

image from stereogum.com

I’ve loved Wolf Parade since the release of their first album Apologies to the Queen Mary. Still, their single from that album, I’ll Believe in Anything will always and forever remind me of my littlest sister, The Child, as we almost always listen to it when she’s around.

For fans of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Modest Mouse, and Arcade Fire.

I’ll Believe in Anything by Wolf Parade on Apologies to the Queen Mary (2005)

Friday Five: I Love a Woman with a Sense of Humor

16 Mar

The new age of women comedians is here. Instead of women being a sideshow to funny men, women are making people laugh and people are taking notice. So here, in no particular order, are the five biggest names in funny women in TV and movies today, in my humble opinion:

Tina Fey

tina fey in bust magazine, 2004

The genius behind Mean Girls, 30 Rock, and Bossypants. This chick made glasses look hot and made America think Sarah Palin really said, “I can see Russia from my house!” She was the first female head writer on SNL, and paved the way for a legion of funny women to start on SNL and jump into mainstream media. I can’t explain how much I love this woman. In fact, the first thing I asked A when I came home with my new glasses was, “Are they Tina Fey or Lisa Loeb?”

Amy Poehler

amy poehler in bust magazine

She was brilliant in SNL, amazing in Mean Girls, and though it wasn’t critically acclaimed, I thought she rocked Baby Mama. She’s been in the best women’s magazine ever, Bust Magazine, like, a million times.Parks and Recreation is a weekly watch for me, and she constantly blows me away with her witty, sharp humor. Plus, she married Will Arnett. They’re, like, the funniest couple of all time.

Maya Rudolph

maya rudolph in bust magazine. apparently all my funny-girl heroines have been in bust magazine.

This woman is the whole package. Smart, funny, gorgeous, and she can sing. She’s the only reason I watch Up All Night, and, in my world, a comic genius. Here’s her performing The Star Spangled Banner as the winner of a small town American Idol-esque competition at a Haiti benefit. (Her intro starts at 1:50)

Kristen Wigg

image courtesy of creativity-online.com

This lady cracks me up. She’s the main reason I still try to catch SNL when I can. Loved her in Rollerball. She’s the queen of the drawn-out awkward moment and the crazy characters that make you want to dress up like them for an in-the-know Halloween costume.

Sophía Vergara

image courtesy of seat42f.com

Lest you think all the funny women I love are SNL alums, Sophía Vergara is a comedic force to be reckoned with. I have a lot of respect for this woman. First off, she’s a freaking goddess. It would be so easy for a woman with her assets to be pigeon-holed into a dumb eye-candy role. But I would argue that she’s one of the funniest parts ofModern Family. She’s turned her looks into a punchline, landing her tons of endorsement deals, including a Cover Girl ad that cracks me up. Well done, Sophía, well done.

Anyoen you’d care to add to the list of funny ladies?

Oh, the Angst of It All

15 Mar

I wrote this a long time ago, and it ran in an art and literary magazine. When I wrote it I had the women from John William Waterhouse‘s work in my mind. For some reason it’s been coming back to me this week. Maybe it was all the great art I saw this past weekend. In any case, I thought it a good time to share. I’ll let you guess how old I was when this came out of my pen.

hylas and the nymphs study, courtesy of jwwaterhouse.com

Millicent stood, worn and weary,
Against the dawn, bleak and dreary,
The gods ignoring her bleeding query,
“What have you done with my love?”

Ankle deep in her dreams debris
Her loved ones eyes were all she could see
As the last of her hope ripped its way free
And fell as a broken dove.

Followed the dove against the dawn
She flew in a cloud of white chiffon
Her scream never came as the waves crashed on
And she left, never knowing her love.

image from insuperabledistances on photothing

Big Dogs Don’t Cry

14 Mar

My littlest dog hates it when I cry.

We found this out by accident one day. I don’t remember what I was crying about, probably something to do with S.A.D. probably. And Martigan just freaked out. He started trying to crawl into my lap (which he is NOT allowed to do without an invitation, but he really isn’t much of a lap dog anyway) and when that didn’t work, he licked any part of my hands and feet he could reach. When I did let him up, he kept trying to lick my nose until I stopped crying. It was like he was trying to cheer me up.

It’s funny, because he doesn’t mind it if I’m upset. A and I can be mad at each other all day and he doesn’t blink an eye. But turn on the water works and he can’t take it. It’s also funny because he can’t tell the difference between tears of sadness and tears of mirth. I was reading a particularly funny post from STFU Parents, and was laughing so hard that I started to cry. Same thing, the climbing, the licking, the worried look that didn’t go away until my tears dried up.

Honestly, it warms my heart. I don’t know the real reason he does it, but I like to think he just wants to cheer me up when I’m sad. And with that face, how could I not be?

…unlike some fat little dogs I could mention who don’t care how much I cry, so long as I toss him his ball.