Tag Archives: Snark

Friday Five – Snark Fest

24 Feb

I have a secret. I love snarkey websites that make fun of things. I know it’s sophmoric and celebrates a very base sort of humor, totally pandering to the lowest common denomenator, but I can’t halp it. They make me laugh. So here are my top five satyre websites (minus The Onion, becasue come on. Who doesn’t love The Onion?) in descending order:

#5: Awkward Family Photos

This website is largely supported by user content. They take the best of the worst photos and make fun of them. Like so:

Window Display

June 3rd, 2010

 Anything for the shot.

#4: Regretsy

I’m a die-hard etsy fan. A has gotten me some of my best jewlery from there, and have I told you the story of how I found the artist featured on my headers? Etsy! However. Sometimes you come across crap that is so bad you question the very nature of humanity to have produced someone who not only came up with the idea to make a beer cozy out of a squirrel carcass, but thought people would pay money for it. Enter Regretsy:

PAULA DEEN IS NOT FOR SALE

Posted on January 22, 2010 by Helen Killer Filed in Housewares

Oh she’s going to love it!  She can drink melted butter from it every morning.

CONVO ME FOR THE RACHAEL RAY ASHTRAY, Y’ALL

#3: Anthroparodie

Ya’ll know I love me some Anthropologie, it’s my favorite place to go for inspiration for things I can make myself. But I think we can all agree that their prices are rediculous. Anthroparodie’s tagline is “Bohemia just got a lot more expensive.” Exactly:

February 17, 2012 

our grand masters of illusion
have concocted a perplexing enigma of unrelenting genius
 
see, it looks invisible
but then, what are those handles attached to?
are they just . . . floating . . . in space?
impossible!
be this the handiwork of the devil?

#2: STFU Parents

This is my newest snark find, and I could not be more in love with a website. STFU Parents gives voice to every annoying thought I’ve ever had about parents. Who won’t. Shut up. About. Their. Kids. The parent’s whose kids are the biggest angles and can’t understand why eeveryone isn’t as in love with their screaming devil-child as they are. The parents who talk about their kids bowel movements, and share photos publically that will land their kids in therapy years later. STFU Parents, I’m so glad you exist:

MommyJacking: The Old One-Two Punch Edition

I wonder if Stacey’s ever heard the expression “quit while you’re ahead”? I’m guessing she hasn’t. I think she may have actually posted her second comment because she realized the first one sounded a little too “me me me”, but somehow she manages to come off as a bigger asshole than before. Whoops!

Also, what’s with the frowny face and the “I don’t blame you for being super excited!” line? Did I miss something by only paying 14 percent attention during Sunday School? Is “excitement” some kind of sin or vice for which we should be blamed or feel guilty? Of course Piper is super excited for her wedding. Being married is the greatest thing next to having children!!! And having children is the greatest thing next to having a friend like Stacey!!!

#1: Stuff Christians Like

i couldn't copy the header, so i settled for the book

This one is hands down my favorite poke-fun website, but it’s very different from all the sites I’ve mentioned above. SCL really like to poke fun at the Christian experience, but the point of it is to foster unity and edification insted of making fun at someone’s expense. I’ve had some seriously convicting moments while reading posts from this site, as well as laughingly recognising myself in many of the things they say Christians do. SCL, may you live on for a good long time.

#1141. Sonic Happy Hour or “The Christian Happy Hour.”

January 9, 2012 in Uncategorized with 159 Comments

Dear Sonic,

I think I’ve been pretty clear about my love of all things Chick-fil-A. The food is delicious. The service is impeccable. And as every Christian knows, eating there is a like tithing. I’ve showered love on the Hamburger Chick-fil-A as well. (You might know it as In-n-Out.) But you, I’ve ignored you. Like Johnny Gill in New Edition or Chris Kirkpatrick in NSYNC, you’ve never really gotten the attention you deserve.

Especially when I look into your ice.

I don’t know what shape that ice technically is. Balls? Diamonds? BB’s? What the industry term is I know not. I call it, “Frozen heaven.” So round, so perfect, so readily available from someone wearing roller-skates. It’s your ice that made me like you, but it’s your happy hour that made me love you. Half price drinks from 2-4? What a gift! What a beverage blessing. What a delightful two-hour window of liquid enjoyment. I drive up and order like a boss. Drink upon drink upon drink. And my bill? $2.98. Even better, the reason I ultimately broke my long silence about you, Sonic, is the nickname my friends have given that 120 minutes. They call it “The Christian Happy Hour.” If I had a nickel for every time someone told me that phrase belonged on SCL, I could buy Powerade slush for the residents of an entire small hamlet.

Why do we call it “The Christian Happy Hour?” It’s complicated.

For a long time, Christians judged you if you had an alcoholic drink. They’d argue that when Jesus turned water into wine that was not really wine. It was like “super grape juice,” completely different than say Yellow Tail. Then, things kind of flip flopped. So many Christians started drinking wine and microbrews that people started judging you for not drinking. My friends would say, “Oh, you don’t drink? You must be small-minded and judgmental.” We started judging people for being judgmental. Isn’t that rich? Oh me! It’s all very confusing and the more I write about it. The more I realize something. I need a drink. A beverage of some sorts that will wash away these perplexing times. Small grains of ice that will pulverize these perplexities.

It’s time for me to head to the Christian Happy Hour.

Yours in slush,

Jon

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Friday Five: Best Shows on TV Right Now

27 Jan

A and I don’t have regular TV. We’ve been watching on the internet since we were married, before it was a thing and TV’s came with internet-ready hookups. (The day A figured our how to jerry-rig his old computer to our TV…that was a proud moment in the Aylesworth house, my friends.) Anyhoo, we made the decision to not have regular TV because I hated the advertising and we figured that newlyweds had more important things to do than watch TV all evening…like get to know each other as newley-marrieds! Minds out of the gutter, folks. But that didn’t work out so well in the long run. With internet TV becoming a major thing, we watch all the shows (for the most part) other people do, just a day later. So I thought I’d share the five shows A and I wait for the other to watch. The best current shows on television (that we can see on Hulu or Netflix, that is, since not all networks put their shows up yet), according to Bigger in Real Life are:

1. Modern Family

I feel almost trite putting this up here after the sweep I heard it did, once again, at the Golden Globes, but it’s the truth. This show rocks. There isn’t a better ensemble cast on TV right now, and unlike my perennial favorite Friends I can’t think of a character I dislike. I love the patriarch in Jay and how he’s softened by the comic genius in Gloria. I love the whole dynamic of the Dunphys. And Cam is my absolute favorite. So soft and lovable, yet so hard-core. Awesome.

2. Castle

This show had us since we heard the two magic words: “Nathan Fillion.” Sure the plots are semi-formulaic, and A and I usually figure out whodunnit before Beckett and Castle do, but shaddup, it makes us feel smart. There’s no better combo of lighthearted fun and dramatic twists than Castle. And the almost there love dynamic between Kate and Castle? Television gold. Listen up, writers of Castle: if you ever let Castle and Beckett get together it will ruin the show. I know you’ll be tempted if you ever have to end things, but trust me, the almost-there is what makes the show. Although it would help a lot if NF could go back to looking like the dashing hero if the first season. He’s starting to look more like Kate’s older and less attractive uncle than a serious love interest.

3. How I Meet Your Mother

This one almost was #2 for me, as the show neatly fills the hole Friends left behind, but while the HIMYM gang makes you wish you could have a beer with them, Castle just makes me feel good about life. So it’s in at #3. And why is that? Oh, I’ll give you six reasons, in three words or less: Robin Sparkles. Slap bet. Suit Up. Legend-waitforit-Dary! Theme Songs. Neil. Patrick. Harris.

4. 30 Rock

Honestly, this show is so freaking good it could have usurped any of the ones listed above. I only ranked it lower because the non-linear plot line makes this show closer to sketch comedy than something where you can really invest in the characters. But oh my goodness, I love everything Tina Fey does. And prior to 30 Rock I never thought I’d say this, but Alec Baldwin really makes the show. First time in his career I’ve been laughing because of him, not at him.

5. Community

This show has been a bit of a sleeper on the acclimation scale, but I’m here to tell you that it deserves a place on any top five list, with a bullet. This show has served up paintball wars, a claymation Christmas Special, anime foosball, Dawn of the Dead-type plots, blatant fun-making of Glee, alternate timelines, and Troy and Abed in the Morning. You don’t have to have attended a community college to love this show, you just have to be able to recognize greatness when you see it.

Runner up in the drama category: Parenthood

I felt bad that all my top picks were comedies lasting half an hour, so had to throw this one in as an honorable mention to show that I don’t only like the funny shows, and that I have an attention span longer than a goldfish. Because really, could Parenthood have won over any of the above? I don’t think so.
A doesn’t like to admit it, but when he’s up in the loft playing computer games he totally pays attention to the plot-lines of this oh-so-well-written show. Do I agree with every decision the writers make? No. Do I think some of the things they write intending to be heartwarming are stupid and shallow? Yes. But I love this show for the way it portrays families. I come from a crazy large family, and we all talk over each other, just like the characters in Parenthood. I’ve been every teenager on that show at some point in my life, and have had friends like all of the Bravermans. I love how they have problems and make choices for better or worse, but in the end family trumps all. I will say one thing, though. I still don’t know the name of Lauren Graham’s character, because to A and I she’s still Lorelei Gilmore.

Potential List Addition in the Future: Alcatraz

This is the first show in a long time A and I have been really excited about. I’m a straight-up sucker for any show set in California (another reason I love Parenthood. Watching them take a road trip down Hwy 5 was like taking a trip home for me. But I digress.) but set it in my favorite city in the world and I’m in. This show is full of intrigue and secrecy, and we can’t tell yet if Sam Neil is a good guy or a bad guy. Plus, they have Hurley, who I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to call by his new character name either.

And in case you were wondering, here are some shows that would have made the cut, had circumstances been different:

Best show if it was three years ago:
Glee

Best show if I wanted to admit to loving a dressed-up soap opera:
Private Practice

Best show if I was over 50 and wanting to still feel like I’ve got it:
Desperate Housewives

Best show as long as Steve Carrell stayed on:
The Office

Best show if I wasn’t burned out on the mockumentary-style filming thanks to The Office:
Parks and Recreation

Best concept turned disappointment by uninspired writing:
Once Upon a Time

Best case of a supporting cast totally being better than the name-brand star they got to play the lead character:
New Girl

Best show if there wasn’t something about Christina Applegate that makes me want to punch her in the face:
Up All Night. Love. Me. Some Maya.

So that’s my list. Do you agree? Disagree? What are your picks for best shows on TV right now?

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